It’s the year 2016. The season is coming to a close, and many teams are hot in pursuit of getting into the postseason. The San Francisco Giants looked like they were going to be one of those teams, but at this point it doesn’t look so sure for them. Having been pushed back by the Dodgers into the second place spot of the NL West and potentially on the verge of losing their wildcard spot, the Giants are starting to look really, really awful. Not to say there aren’t glimmers of hope, but even those dim lights are fading fast.
Since the All Star break the Giants have looked absolutely miserable. They’ve played bad, they’ve hit bad, they look tired and just not into it, absolutely no energy to speak off. Why on earth did this happen? They just had some hope this previous weekend with a spectacular sweep of the Arizona Diamondbacks just to turn around and get swept by the 62-84 Padres. What kind of team allows that kind of crap to happen? I’ll tell you how it happens. It happens by being the trolliest team in all the MLB.
Let’s look at some other teams this year. Right off the bat we had the Minnesota Twins and the Atlanta Braves emerging as dumpster fires. Large losing streaks basically put them in last place of their division and their leagues all year. Are they trolls? No, they’re just bad. They were expected to be this bad. The Reds and Brewers? Trolls. They have an ultra competitive division and basically were always going to fall behind their division rivals, the Chicago Cubs. You see, all these teams have something in common. They started out pretty bad. They were not going to have very competitive years from the very start.
The Giants, on the other hand, looked to be highly competitive, and for all intents and purposes, they were. For the first half. With off-season pickups of Johnny Cueto and Jeff Samardzija, their pitching looked to be far more stable than last season, what with the aging and constantly hurt rotation they fielded in 2015. Now before the All-Star Break this team looked to be firing on all cylinders. They were hitting and they were pitching deep into games. Hell they probably had one of most dominant one and two starters in all of baseball. Then the All Star Break happened. The Giants entered the All Star break with the best record in baseball, beating out the Cubs for that top spot. Every team should now beware of the spooky All Star Game, and the break that it creates.
Spooky isn’t it?
How does this team go from the best to the worst seemingly overnight? Conspiracy theory time: because they want to. Probably not really, but let’s entertain the thought for just a second. What else can explain it? A slumping team is one thing. Teams have rough patches and bounce back. Bad teams stay bad teams, and good teams stay moderately good, but how does the best become the worst? At this point it’s either one of two things:
A) The Giants all sat down at an All-Star break luncheon or brunch, take your pick, and discussed how they could be even bigger trolls than in their 2012 and 2014 World Series runs.
B) The Giants just caught fire in a bizarre way to begin the season and rode that to the tippy-top before crashing down on something they couldn’t sustain. Lets choose option A) because option B) has to much logic, and logic is gross.
So you choose the luncheon option. Good choice. The Giants all sat down and discussed a plan that if they played really, really badly in the regular season but still managed to sneak into a postseason spot, then they’d be able to troll the whole universe. Starting to sound like a pretty plausible scenario. It certainly can explain why the team is playing the way they are. They’re just trolling us. It’s all a big joke. It’s a perfect plan. Probably orchestrated by master troll himself Hunter Pence. Why else would they be playing this badly if it wasn’t planned that way in some kind of elaborate scheme? It’s all so clear. You all can throw logic out the window. No need for that nonsense here.
So they planned this all out. What’s next? They became the worst team in baseball after the break. They have a series starting Thursday against the St Louis Cardinals, who are hot on the tails of the second wild card spot and trailing the New York Mets by a half game. Hopefully the Giants continue this massive troll by maybe winning two games and then splitting the rest of the series, because why not? Shake this up a bit and then sweep the Dodgers series in LA next week. Make the Division race so close that it comes down to the last three games of the season in San Francisco, again with the Dodgers. If they manage to do that, they might even be able to win the Trolliest Team of the Year Award. The coveted Golden Pepe Award.
This is the award to win folks. Screw that fourth World Series title. Only loser teams need that kind of awesome recognition. The Giants are playing for the grandest of trolls. But who knows? Maybe the Giants will get hot again and actually do the lame thing and start winning. Yeah, right. That ain’t their style. The want to fake limp into the playoffs just so they can beat some new “team of destiny” in the NLCS. Good thing there’s none of those around.